How to Build Better Relationships with Positive Psychology

Many XJW’s are working on building better healthier relationships. With effort and support we can overcome the social and relationship trauma we have experienced. Letting Positive Psychology influence the way we speak and respond to others can help. As discussed in my Positive Psychology post, Relationships are important to our overall well being. Associate Professor Shelly Gable looked into what makes good relationships work. She looked at romantic partners and how they reacted to receiving good news from their partner. This is useful for XJW’s who are working developing close relationships whether they are romantic or not.

XJWs work on over coming the conditioned by our family and close associates to be judgmental and critical of others. We might respond destructively to others without even realizing it because others around us modeled that sort of speech for us throughout our lives. What I thought was interesting about Gable’s study was that she looked at how people responded to positive news. As soon as I laid eyes on this I new that I had some work to do myself.

Gable says that responding in a positive way when we receive positive news from a close friend reinforces our bond with that person and shows that person that they can rely on you when things get rough. Responding positively also helps magnify the positive effects of the good news on the person who is sharing it. Gable explains that negative response reduce the positive effects that receiving good news can have.

There were 4 basic types of responses to good news that were identified. They were active constructive, passive constructive, active destructive, and passive destructive. Lets take a peek;

1. An active constructive response. This is the best type of response that reinforces the positive experience of sharing good news. In this response the receiver of the good news response positively with enthusiasm, support and interest. The initial positive response is then followed by further questions that show a personal interest in the person and their good news. Example: