There are many valid criticisms of the modern day mental health field. As a mental health counselor I can attest that we have the tendency to focus on the negative. We focus on the symptoms. We focus on the problems. We pathologize and label people. Is there any alternative? Yes. It’s called positive Psychology. Positive psychology can help survivors of High Demand Religion too, so listen up!
Before I get into this I want to be clear that I am not saying that we should never talk about the negative things in life or in regards to mental health. Rather the idea is that we should give deliberate attention to the positives as it is human nature to leave these out. This might be especially true in the case of Religious Survivors as they often have experienced significant life trauma.
Lets get started. I’m a big fan of positive psychology so I’m excited to write about this. Positive psychology is the study of what makes life worth living. It’s founder is Martin Seligman (who also happened to study Learned helplessness). You might struggle with knowing what makes life worth living. Its ok. Healing takes time.
There are many facets to Positive psychology but here I’m going to go over “P.E.R.M.A.”. Each letter stands for a different element that living a meaningful life is composed of. They include Positive Emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning and purpose, and Accomplishments.
• Positive Emotions. If you’re like me you spend a lot of time dwelling on negative emotions. Make a deliberate effort to dwell on some positive emotions as you experience them. Changingminds.org lists some positive emotions as Joy, Gratitude, Serenity, Interest, Hope, Pride, Amusement, Inspiration, Awe, Love, Altruism, Satisfaction, and Relief. If you want more help with this I suggest checking out Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom by Rick Hanson.
• Engagement. Spend some time with activities that involve your personal interests. As an XJW it might be hard to know what interests you, so do some exploring. Make a deliberate effort to notice how you feel during and after engaging in activities. Notice if you feel good or bad. Notice if you feel a passion for it. Notice if its an activity that you can feel completely absorbed in.
• Relationships. Relationships have always been a challenge for me and they maybe a challenge for you too. They may come from work or family and they may be platonic or romantic. Relationships are important for good times and the bad times. As a survivor of controlling religion you likely were forced to be friends with certain people in your congregation. Now is the time to make new friends. Don’t just engage in negative talk and experiences with them though, make a deliberate effort to talk about positive things too. See my post on using positive psychology to build better relationships.
• Meaning and purpose. Yet again this can be a tricky subject for Religious Survivors. In the organization we lived for the organization. Everything we did was for the benefit of the organization. Now that you’re out what do you live for? If you’re newly out of the organization this might seem overwhelming. Finding new meaning in life means finding something that larger than yourself to work for. This is different for all of us and it might take some time to figure out. Having meaning and purpose is important. Do you have meaning and purpose your life?
• Accomplishments. You might not feel like you have many accomplishments to be proud of. But let me tell you leaving the organization requires massive bravery and is a huge accomplishment. Even reading this article would be a huge accomplishment for many JWs or XJW. Remember too its not just accomplishments that matter but its also the pursuit of them. What can you work on and get better at? Could it be something fun? Could it be something work related? Could you get better at the gym? Could you improve your art skill?
References:
Ryan David Tuttle 